Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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