don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
