I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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