Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
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once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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