Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
