I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
