I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
