It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
