i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
