woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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