hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We don't watch enough power rangers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
