I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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