I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
