officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize