Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
