He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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