are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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