so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
