An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
