I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
