jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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