My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
