I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
