Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
