i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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