He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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