I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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