tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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