Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
