She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
