I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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