This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
