We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
