guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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