On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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