there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
