Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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