I met the friendliest cop last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
