My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How does one acquire holy water?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
