you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
