He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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