i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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