Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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