We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
