You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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