you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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