I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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