then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
