We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
