She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
