Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
