Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
