he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
