when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
