I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want her autograph on my taint
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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