Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
