i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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