No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
