White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
