Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
