Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
