Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
