***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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