Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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