Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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