I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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