The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
