If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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